A Horribly Misguided Ok Cupid Profile

I thought it would be some sort of drunken joke.  An OKcupid profile that made fun of the idea of baring your soul to random people on the internet.  It didn't work, it is melodramatic enough, but not very far in it became exactly what you would expect, except true.


When I am honest with myself, I realize that the "sowing wild oats" phase of my life never happened, and never will happen. When I am dishonest with myself, I worry that my number isn't anywhere near where it should be.

I never ever ever want to be tied down, but neither do you. I want to live in all 50 states, knowing that the language barrier is more difficult than it is rewarding in Europe.

I want you to be a partner. All of the times I go out, the perfect person is not there. Perfect fit, i should say, the perfect fit person is the goal. You counter balance me. Opposites don't attract, fits attract.

I have no idea what you will look like, what you will be like, what your friends will be like, let alone your family.

My guess for you is the following: You will be smart, whether or not you have cultured that by stuffing facts in your brain, and watching Jeopardy! every day, will not matter. You will still be able to learn from what is put in front of you and bring new thoughts to the table. You won't be the kind of person that gives up and says, "i can't!". You will have an appreciation for the popular things, understanding why the are popular, but you will still have your own favorite things. We will not agree often, but you will understand my teasing as flirting. It is a weakness of mine, that when i find someone i like, i tease-flirt with them, but i ignore everyone else in the room. Because i tease, flit, compliment and listen, you will know that means that i am thinking about you; probably all the time.

I think about things exclusively. That's what i do. But i never think about them in the abstract. I always imagine that i am telling someone what i am thinking about. I have had different people fill the role of "person i talk to when i think about things" but when i thought, the recipients were always an amalgamation. You will be the person that i want to talk to forever and always. I might not tell you all of the things i think about, but you will know that when i am thinking about these things, you are the person i am telling in my head.

I want you to be better than me. I will make jokes about it until the very day that i die, but you will be better than me. There are people in this world that are worse than me, i know that, i don't love the idea, but i know they exist. You wont be one of those people.

You will be involved in a ton of stuff. You will know me well enough to know that i need to be dragged to things. you will make sure that i get out and know people, meet people. You will know that that is what I need, want, and aspire too, but that i am terrible at reconciling those things with the part of me that wants to sit on the couch.

I also always want to be the best at what i do, but this is not born out day to day. But 100% my identity rests when someone compliments my knowledge/humor/etc.

All in all, i know that the following will paint me as a bad person, but I was being honest. If something you read or saw made you get this far, let me know.