Roma

I feel at home here in 1306 Lindell West, which doesn't make any sense when i think about it. I have been here less than 5 months and this is the room i have the least invested in of all the places i have ever lived. But for some reason, my innate sense of being home, the realization of current location as comfortable, i will have trouble leaving here in two days.

But right now i am sharing this home with joel, a man that just came back from studying abroad, who had rekindled my love and desire to talk about Rome. It has been in a large way diplomatic, as if i visited europe rather than lived there, loved there, lost there, tried my best there, and genuinely just let myself be there. When i think about rome i can't see individual people or specific places, but rather a collage of colors, feelings, images and imaginations. I remember inscribing the steam in my bathroom mirror with the words, "i want to go back" but that doesn't seem like the same mirror that i will see in several hours while brushing my teeth, attempting to prepare myself for another day of completely forgettable activities. It seems like the mirror i have had since day one, i forget a time before that mirror reflected who i was, and i had no other way of knowing what my incredibly long hair looked like.

My hair is a good metaphor for my remembrance of Rome, It is long, i remember a time when it was short, but not specifically. I remember exactly how long it looks every day i stare into that mirror, comb in one hand and the base of hair in the other, trying viciously to pull through the knots. I want to go back to short hair, but i dont know if i am ready for it, it has been so long since i have known anything else. It has been months since i understood a different way to live my life.

There is a feeling of; belonging, accomplishment, singularity, conjecture, humanity, abstractness, warmth, immediateness, comfort and a touch of forlorn that comes to mind when i try now to think about Roma. But my main fear is that i can no longer think of it at all, that what i have left is what anyone could cook up after an especially good nights dreams.