Writing

Sometimes when i think about myself, i think of myself as a writer. Then, a second later i worry if i am one at all, or if i just wish to be one because i think it fits. Sure, i have a lot of stuff i have written, but a lot of it isn't any good at all. There are two passable things i have ever written, and one of them i want desperately too rewrite, but worry all i will do is ruin it. I haven't written anything since summer, despite the fact that i have had nothing but free time. If i am a writer, shouldn't i have notebooks filled with words, instead of notebooks with several pages of words? What if i decide that i really want to do this, that i want to make my living with words, and then i realize that i can't really write at all? That when i get there, i am the worst at it, there are people who just jot stuff down in their free time that expose my writing as egotistical and childish? What happens when i love Wilco so much because the music and lyrics blend so perfectly together, and then when i turn around those same lyrics are the only ones in my head, nothing of my own comes at all? What happens when i read a recap of moments and thoughts i didn't see and don't care about, but the way she writes brings me back, almost daily for over two years? and then i when i follow her lead and build this site, all that i put up are things i already wrote, and worthless ramblings that should never see the light of a monitor? what happens when i remember that rhetorical questions are the crutch of a poor writer, who needs to make the reader feel involved but does not have the prose capability to do so? maybe then is when i go lay in my bed and read the catcher in the rye, and try to remember why i want to be a writer so much, maybe then i realize that i can only get better at this. Maybe, at some point, i will realize i should have gone into sales.