Full

I am full with something. I have a complete and compelling desire to just politely tell my professor that i have had enough, and leave the class. I followed the company line that an English Major has limitless opportunities, every field needs people with communication skills, the ability to read and understand, the ability to write and be understood. The creativeness will be a boon to any office, the knowledge of the great thinkers/writers will be always at the English Major's fingertips, and every boss needs that in his stable.

But this is my senior seminar. This is the class i share with only other english majors, and there is not a soul here with a job prospect. Most just knew they were headed for grad school, the other few thinking they must chill and wait for scraps. These students have read some of the most compelling thoughts on happiness, the meaning of life and the nature of death. These people written some beautiful works on these subjects themselves. But in the end, it is time for us, those not headed down the rabbit hole of graduate school, to admit we were wrong.

And now i am supposed walk into the BSC tomorrow, and HOPE, that i, too, can get plugged into the machine. The world will chuckle and turn a blind eye to the WASTE i made of my four year college career, and they will give me a job slightly worse then those who took their four years as career training, instead of the life training i received at the feet of the lake poets, yeats, chretien, clark, conrad, hammett. But those with the power to hire do not have to turn a blind eye, they may look down with pitty, and turn the job over to a student of marketing, someone who studied what they would have to teach me, because what i was taught is now worthless.

And it is. What i learned does not translate into the working world the ways the English Department said it would. And while we are american, who gives a flying FUCK what porphyria's lover could imbue in its reader, or even what the hell imbue means. And when i refused to teach, it should have became apparent that there was no point in majoring in this, if i was thinking about my financial future. But i wasn't, and while i feel the need to defend that decision, i no longer know if i can.

I am full of it all, and i don't know what to do to find release.