two sentence stories 16

the glass broke past his face, the force throwing him from his seat. He had not anticipated his rival to have a friend to his rear, and it would turn out to be his worst mistake.

two sentence stories 15

he had made the wrong choice of lines, electing to go with visiblly more experienced of the two clerks. His anxiety grew as the man two ahead of him stalled and he was forced to stand there, as cramped as he was open to prying eyes.

two sentence stories 14

He noticed her eyes as she took her left turn past his car, her jetta sprinting through a yellow. When the light turned shortly after, he continued about his daily life.

two sentence stories 13

the smell of the books over took her as she steadied herself. It was done, and the gray haired man lay sprawled in the middle of the aisle, book in hand, a single droplet of blood falling from his smiling mouth.

two sentence stories 12

The family sat down around the turkey, said their prayers and began to eat. Casual conversation was made, and old jokes were retold.

two sentence stories 11

As she walked toward the alter, he wanted to tell her that she looked gorgeous, the veil covering her eyes mysteriously, and he could tell she only thought of him. The tear running down her cheek drew a black line deep to her black dress, her sadness thrown into contrast because he knew he would never hold her in his arms again.

two sentence stories 10

His father sat to the left, and his brother to the right. The three were concentrating hard on their task, and loved the feeling of community.

two sentence stories 9

i felt as though the number 34 truly understood me. I realize i sound crazy, but the most holy number and the cardinal directions in combination could quiet any one's nerves

two sentence stories 8

why i hated it, i could hardly remember, but the emotion remained. I sat sullenly in my dining room while it played around me, bringing joy to the rest of the world.

two sentence stories 7

while i spent my summer at the lake house, the wind danced playfully in my hair. In autum, the deep oranges and shocking yellows would complement my complexion to the utmost.

two sentence stories 6

the highs were worth the lows, i told myself. but the smile i saw in the bathroom mirror belied my apprehension.

two sentence stories 5

waking up next to her used to be the best feeling in the world. now, as i watched her breath, all i could think about was how much i would love to see the girl from the bakery wiping the sleep from her eyes as she smiled into mine.

two sentence stories 4

the bank line became shorter as i became more peaceful, standing there, looking at her pony tail. I dreaded the moment when i would be forced to take the sack out of my pocket and pass the note across the desk.

two sentence stories 3

She must have truly loved the muffins, it was all my brother could do to keep her from smiling. She spent the next several hours giggling with the others down in the basement, and i spent them alone in my room

two sentence stories 2

The smell of the flowers became intoxicating. The tear that ran down my cheek began to feel funny as my vision rapidly darkened from the outside in.

two sentence stories 1

It might have been wrong, but I somewhat relished the heartbreak. The emotion seemed to wake me up, a cognizance that might have saved the relationship.

Senior Bucket List

As i shift into more of a list/planner style of life (with only moderate success), i realize that there are some things that i want to do on a more meta level. Things that don't neccessarily fall into the day to day tasks of my life (such as reading 480 pages a day for my stupid as shit english class). So i have decided to make a list with only a loose end date, mid-may 2010, or even farther out, July 31st, 2010. There are some things on this list that i am embarassed that i have not yet completed, because they seemed so important in my decsion to come to St. Louis all those many years ago.

1. Visit the Cahokia Mounds
2. Go to the St. Louis Zoo / Spend an entire day in Forest Park
3. See live music outdoors
4. Fall in love

these seem like things i should have been able to accomplish in 2007, but at this point, i'll take it

To-Do

^. Lunch w/ mike

0. Meet with sarah schwab at her office. (1:15)

-1. finish caesar

A. Meet with Dr Pasken in Ritter (3)

1. Take a nap

1-b-i. go to CAI lab and print out necessary assignment sheets

2. Go to work, hope to get out early

3a. Put to do list online, update it

3. Take 5 hour energy, go to the library

4. Hammer outline for shakespeare essay

5. Go over reading list for 19th cent brit, pick out poems to read

6. Refine outline

7. Go over identities

8. Write shakespeare draft

8*. Do math homework

9. Read more british

9*a. try to sketch out Viator

9^. Go over job offers for server/ edit resume

10. look at british essays, attempt to get outline down

10-1a. reread keats, outline what i want to write about

10-2. Playbook

11. Go to class

12. Fabreez car, clean out, get ready to sell

My life, live blog.

I started writing this in my first class, but didn't publish it. I picked it back up in my next class, while i was going over my massive "to do" list. I figured i will be in front of my comp for the 24 hours, why not leave this open and keep adding to it when i am distracted. Enjoy.


One year ago: I was watching the brewers at the abby theater, and had to leave to watch the end of the game at scholars, then i held a friend, who wasn't to be a friend for long, while she had a seizure. Now, 365 days later, i have two papers, a test and three professor meetings i have to ace so that i can continue my charade of a student. I sit reading Arnold's "Dover Beach" about a man who is scared of the future, who worries about the waves on the beach, not swayed by the tranquil beauty. Critical Power and Creative Power fight for my respect, but critical is losing ground quickly, and i am lost in the pure emotion, the indiscernible feeling one gets when given a piece of art. To talk about where the work is to reach that ground loses me, but to turn the understanding and powers of literature to criticize society? count me in.

A retranslation:

There are people out there trying to retranslate the bible so it comes across as more conservative, more open to free market ideology,(here is a reaction) and i am totally ok with this. it is patently insane, but that's fine, i knew they were crazy already. i am excited to see what they do. i think a couple chase scenes would punch is up nicely, and a love story for amos would add intrigue. I don't know if i should bother with fiction writing any more. I wanted to change the world, i wanted to impact people who read it. I don't know if anyone reads fiction any more, and i know that very few have their lives changed by literature after 17 years old. maybe my life tilting at windmills will not affect people they way the original tilter affected me. I wonder if there are language scholars attached to this project, or if they are just going to rewrite something already in english.

my to do list:

is massive. two papers, three meetings and an exam in the next two days. By putting together several lists over the last few days, stemming from a bottoming out, an h2h with joel and a submission of 2 weeks notice. I am pretty excited though, a constant struggle forward and getting work done. I feel pretty good about crossing out an item. I am not quite there yet, but i am predicting a sense of satisfaction.

Down time:

I have a bit of down time right now (don't worry, i got some reading done, and the first check on the list felt as sweet as i thought it would). I can post this, which is 19 ways to awesome. actually, like 5, but still, awesome. i am two down on my list, so far so good. its gonna kill to lose 4 hours to work, but c'est la vie.

Getting Back:

From work, i got let go about an hour early, which is just amazing. Gives me pause and lets me wonder if i get some shit done in the next hour, maybe i could go to pennies, drink lightly, and then hit the brary after that? I don't know. I am on my 4th straight shift without selling a TV, which i feel is awesome, i feel really good about that. I put together a little wish-list of stuff that i wanted to buy on employee discount, and it hit about 200 bones, so maybe not, i modified it a bit, but i have to decide whether i want to have my computer on my tv, or buy sweet new speakers, then setting up the other speakers in my bedroom, a-b switch style, that has potential. anyway, if i want any shot at pennies, and it is a gorgeous night, i should get to work.

No Pennies:

Not much work either, really just more wilco odyssey, hanging out with joel, and a long overdue chat with one of my favorite people ever. Baseball was on, and i was reading a lot of words, but not speaking much. there are so few things running through my mind right now. It may be because they are all neatly written out on a list. Lists might become away of life for me. the calm they bring, no active power exerted not to let the tasks of life slip away, and then not letting them slip away. I'm down, count it.

No Progress:

On the list, but that's ok, because i will just update the list to include things i did do, like the dishes (seriously), get lost in wilco, read how CV31 likes detroit, and isn't sad about leaving the ill-town. Bought tickets to wilco, and visualized one hell of a fall break, sedated but right for all the right reasons.

Progress:

I am really bad at writing 3-4 page essays। I absolutely crush 2 page essays. Open, three paragraph, close. A. I always feel like i am pulling out a strong suplemental point and trying to put it on par with the other, actual, supporting statements. In this paper, i have three really good, solid, well founded and downright convincing supporting planks for my thesis. four, not so much. Three is such a good number, i am a huge fan. The sharp angle of three really allows a lot of play among the items. It is a huge jump from two to three, even larger than 1-2 in some ways. We all know how well it works for religions, adding in a third party to the gods/mortal story line completely and radically changes the narrative. Feudalism was boring, all nobles and peasants, but add a third class? gangbusters. Corners are just so much more exciting than lines, and asymmetrical shapes are the new black.

First Library Update (or फर्स्ट लाइब्रेरी अपडेट as the defult setting on this computer would have you believe):

Maybe its 7 hours past my target time, but i am here. I think that what i traded task progression-wise for the late start is rock solid, well, most of it is. Looks like some of the things i wanted to get done will have to wait for after 11 tomorrow, but that's one of the beauties of a list, it doesn't expire. It was raining as i was walking over here, but a 24 hour library is pretty much the best thing that has happened to SLU in the past year. I have woken up this early to go to work. Man's best study friends, snickers, orange tic-tacs, 5 hour energy and cigarettes are here for the journey with me, so i better get to it.

Lib update, coming at you live from 7:19, enter, Sun:

I have hit a snag in my paper, i know there is the final piece of evidence that i need somewhere in this folio, but i cannot, for the life of me, find it. I have found other things that will help me in my paper, but this snag is costing me min.

Sleepy time

I set an alarm on my phone, and gave myself a couple min to rest my eyes, but i guess old habits die hard, i hit snooze. i think when i actually went over the edge into sleep, i jolted awake, and kind of freaked out, the five hour energy, my second of the night, felt the need to push my heart to superhuman levels, but apparently not keep me awake. We are approaching 24 hours here, i'm glad all of you stopped reading over 12 ago.

(semi)-VICTORY

All done, in rare, first draft form, a paper extolling the virtues of the weakeness of nobility. i came on strong, and layed it on thick at the end, so a lot of work is still to be done, but hey, i've got a week. I think i will leave the live-blog for now, i have gone on to exactly 24 and a half hours. I'm glad i was here with me for all of this, the first entry seems like days ago, instead of day ago. Oh christ, i really dont want to leave all of these words on what could probably be picked up as a bad italian joke. Instead, some words to live by, care of Shakespeare by way of Cassius:

“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,

But in ourselves, that we are underlings” (The Tragedy of Julius Ceasar 1.2.141-2)

living life with a sense of time

i have been trying to get a handle on things. While i was trying to get a handle on things and failing, i looked to my past, to see how i had done it before. Then i realized that between sporadic grasps, the only handle i had was a fake one, one that i created just to make me feel safe. I wondered if that was what had been holding me back all of these years. maybe i created that handle sometime back in my youth, and since i could always remember where it was, i never felt out of control, never felt like i had to make a big leap to either find a hand hold or fall to my death. The fauxhandle may be both my best and worst possessions. On one hand, i never fell to my death, something that i am pretty sure has been a boon. On the other hand, the giant leap forward never happened, the risk was too great. But now i have lost that handle, and the only thing i do have is a sense of urgency, the only thing within my grasp is scalding hot rock, reminding me that i cannot stay here. However, i have managed to stay here, managed to get my hands burned to the point of bloody, hanging on. I have never made the leap before, the fauxhandle treating me "well" up till now. I have no idea how far of a jump it is, what it would require to get there and once i get there. The main problem might not be the jump, but the landing. What if there isn't a plateau over there, just more sheer rock cliff, allowing me to only hesitate before jumping again. What if i never get to settle down like i did with the FxH, what if i never get to feel comfortable ever again, what if that isn't a bad thing, but what if it is? My hands are pretty calloused, the scalding rock only seems hot some of the time, when i try to rest my head. What if the only way to win is to let go, and enjoy the wind whipping through my much too short hair? what if i need to "give up" on this rock jumping, and instead find a new vocation? i am too tall and too heavy to be much of a rock climber anyway, or is that just another grope in the dark for the FxH? the world may never know, but if i find out, i'll let you know.

Emails out of the blue, have a way of throwing ones life into a frenzy, or at least let one acknowledge the frenzy omnipresent. Emails to professors about meetings always seem to make things better, but email reminders from professors about paper assignments do the opposite. What if i am bad at english? what if there is a gigantic section and study of it that i just cannot grasp. Why am i supposed to care about the personal life of a writer, is it important that i do? Where has my life gone that the one thing i could hang my had on is turning into a faux hat holder? What kind of hat would it be? i would like to think a crisp fedora, but who knows for sure? I know one thing, work and i do not get along. is there something wrong with me, or with work? or is it just one of those agree to disagree, something that you can say that makes every one feel better but doesn't actually accomplish anything.

Blogger wants me to monetize this space. i don't really get the idea of monetization, i mean, i understand in principle, but that shouldn't be as important as layout? maybe settings, but not layout. i think my best bet might be keeping a divorcee company in return for a living wage, i might be able to make that work, but probably not. Since it's work, it would probably make me hate divorcees, like every other industry i have ever worked in. I don't want to hate them though, i like them. maybe i'll find a thousand dollars, there can be bank errors, right? thats what monopoly tells me. five houses equal a hotel in that game though, and i can tell you from experience, that is just not the case in real life. that is about all i know about real life though, and there very well could be a marvin gardens out there, and if it does exist, i bet you all of the signs are painted yellow.

I think i should stop now, or else i will never get to bed, and i like bed, its comfy, and beasty is there, much love for my boy.

UPDATE:

and just so you know, the handle is always fake, but every time you leap, or life forces you to leap, the next faux handle you grab feels a little stronger, in the begining it always feels like you've reached a summit, this is happiness, but the one thing life will teach us, I think, is the only way to stay up there is to keep moving on

Watching, reading, listening, writing

I complained to my roommate today about all the books i am responsible for this semester. The life of an english major in his second to last semester seemed to be one measured in pages, of hours and hours committed to ink on white. I work, i frat, i have dude parties, where am i supposed to find time for something like School Work, an enemy of mine since the days of Ms. Gonzales' kindergarten class. But as i read Shakespeare's Julius Caesar for my early Billy Shakes class, my empty room gave me license to read aloud Antony's "Rhetorical Fireworks." i realized the rationalization i used to kill english made me to be an honourable man. When i read Antony's speech, it moved me, made me excited, and enriched me. I love reading. As i sit here, wilco reminds that every star is a setting sun. i love listening. I just watched Almost Famous for the first time, and i love watching. All i could think to do when these things all happened in the last few hours, i came here. I love writing. The english language is a wonderful thing, and the way it allows itself to be used by great artists is nothing short of magical. I remembered why i became an english major in the first place, because when i was 18, i wanted nothing more than to sit in some future apt on a rainy thursday, and marvel at all the pages i was allowed to read.