One year ago: I was watching the brewers at the abby theater, and had to leave to watch the end of the game at scholars, then i held a friend, who wasn't to be a friend for long, while she had a seizure. Now, 365 days later, i have two papers, a test and three professor meetings i have to ace so that i can continue my charade of a student. I sit reading Arnold's "Dover Beach" about a man who is scared of the future, who worries about the waves on the beach, not swayed by the tranquil beauty. Critical Power and Creative Power fight for my respect, but critical is losing ground quickly, and i am lost in the pure emotion, the indiscernible feeling one gets when given a piece of art. To talk about where the work is to reach that ground loses me, but to turn the understanding and powers of literature to criticize society? count me in.
A retranslation:
There are people out there trying to retranslate the bible so it comes across as more conservative, more open to free market ideology,(here is a reaction) and i am totally ok with this. it is patently insane, but that's fine, i knew they were crazy already. i am excited to see what they do. i think a couple chase scenes would punch is up nicely, and a love story for amos would add intrigue. I don't know if i should bother with fiction writing any more. I wanted to change the world, i wanted to impact people who read it. I don't know if anyone reads fiction any more, and i know that very few have their lives changed by literature after 17 years old. maybe my life tilting at windmills will not affect people they way the original tilter affected me. I wonder if there are language scholars attached to this project, or if they are just going to rewrite something already in english.
my to do list:
is massive. two papers, three meetings and an exam in the next two days. By putting together several lists over the last few days, stemming from a bottoming out, an h2h with joel and a submission of 2 weeks notice. I am pretty excited though, a constant struggle forward and getting work done. I feel pretty good about crossing out an item. I am not quite there yet, but i am predicting a sense of satisfaction.
Down time:
I have a bit of down time right now (don't worry, i got some reading done, and the first check on the list felt as sweet as i thought it would). I can post this, which is 19 ways to awesome. actually, like 5, but still, awesome. i am two down on my list, so far so good. its gonna kill to lose 4 hours to work, but c'est la vie.
Getting Back:
From work, i got let go about an hour early, which is just amazing. Gives me pause and lets me wonder if i get some shit done in the next hour, maybe i could go to pennies, drink lightly, and then hit the brary after that? I don't know. I am on my 4th straight shift without selling a TV, which i feel is awesome, i feel really good about that. I put together a little wish-list of stuff that i wanted to buy on employee discount, and it hit about 200 bones, so maybe not, i modified it a bit, but i have to decide whether i want to have my computer on my tv, or buy sweet new speakers, then setting up the other speakers in my bedroom, a-b switch style, that has potential. anyway, if i want any shot at pennies, and it is a gorgeous night, i should get to work.
No Pennies:
Not much work either, really just more wilco odyssey, hanging out with joel, and a long overdue chat with one of my favorite people ever. Baseball was on, and i was reading a lot of words, but not speaking much. there are so few things running through my mind right now. It may be because they are all neatly written out on a list. Lists might become away of life for me. the calm they bring, no active power exerted not to let the tasks of life slip away, and then not letting them slip away. I'm down, count it.
No Progress:
On the list, but that's ok, because i will just update the list to include things i did do, like the dishes (seriously), get lost in wilco, read how CV31 likes detroit, and isn't sad about leaving the ill-town. Bought tickets to wilco, and visualized one hell of a fall break, sedated but right for all the right reasons.
Progress:
I am really bad at writing 3-4 page essays। I absolutely crush 2 page essays. Open, three paragraph, close. A. I always feel like i am pulling out a strong suplemental point and trying to put it on par with the other, actual, supporting statements. In this paper, i have three really good, solid, well founded and downright convincing supporting planks for my thesis. four, not so much. Three is such a good number, i am a huge fan. The sharp angle of three really allows a lot of play among the items. It is a huge jump from two to three, even larger than 1-2 in some ways. We all know how well it works for religions, adding in a third party to the gods/mortal story line completely and radically changes the narrative. Feudalism was boring, all nobles and peasants, but add a third class? gangbusters. Corners are just so much more exciting than lines, and asymmetrical shapes are the new black.
First Library Update (or फर्स्ट लाइब्रेरी अपडेट as the defult setting on this computer would have you believe):
Maybe its 7 hours past my target time, but i am here. I think that what i traded task progression-wise for the late start is rock solid, well, most of it is. Looks like some of the things i wanted to get done will have to wait for after 11 tomorrow, but that's one of the beauties of a list, it doesn't expire. It was raining as i was walking over here, but a 24 hour library is pretty much the best thing that has happened to SLU in the past year. I have woken up this early to go to work. Man's best study friends, snickers, orange tic-tacs, 5 hour energy and cigarettes are here for the journey with me, so i better get to it.
Lib update, coming at you live from 7:19, enter, Sun:
I have hit a snag in my paper, i know there is the final piece of evidence that i need somewhere in this folio, but i cannot, for the life of me, find it. I have found other things that will help me in my paper, but this snag is costing me min.
Sleepy time
I set an alarm on my phone, and gave myself a couple min to rest my eyes, but i guess old habits die hard, i hit snooze. i think when i actually went over the edge into sleep, i jolted awake, and kind of freaked out, the five hour energy, my second of the night, felt the need to push my heart to superhuman levels, but apparently not keep me awake. We are approaching 24 hours here, i'm glad all of you stopped reading over 12 ago.
(semi)-VICTORY
All done, in rare, first draft form, a paper extolling the virtues of the weakeness of nobility. i came on strong, and layed it on thick at the end, so a lot of work is still to be done, but hey, i've got a week. I think i will leave the live-blog for now, i have gone on to exactly 24 and a half hours. I'm glad i was here with me for all of this, the first entry seems like days ago, instead of day ago. Oh christ, i really dont want to leave all of these words on what could probably be picked up as a bad italian joke. Instead, some words to live by, care of Shakespeare by way of Cassius:
“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings” (The Tragedy of Julius Ceasar 1.2.141-2)
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